bitter lemonade.

A W K W A R D

The word defines me. Mother should have

named me that – awkward.

My right foot came in front of my left

when I tried walking. I was one.

I tripped, fell and looked around, dazed.

yes.

A W K W A R D.

 

3rd grade.

Math teacher wanted a

Math textbook for the

Math oral exam.

I ran clutching mine, the idea of her possessing MY textbook

for the examination, gave me the happiness of winning a marathon.

(don’t judge)

 

So, I ran.

hair flying everywhere/ limbs gone awry and

thrust the book right at her hand which

rested on a book. The collision tore the book.

her book, not mine.

I haven’t seen a face redder than hers till date.

There I stood being at the podium and in one moment,

someone punched me right at my stomach.

There you go – awkward.

 

Until, I met her.

Just like that, the jigsaw puzzle I was trying to solve for 12 years

had a face.

Apparently, I was holding the last piece in the wrong direction.

Effortlessly, we held hands and tiptoed our way right through

boys diwalis tears and broken hearts

bunny-teeth acne algebra and mondays.

Ours was an origami that no one could create

morse code communications no one could decipher.

Friendship so rock solid that no permutations or combinations could do us apart.

 

11 years ago, we met.

9 years ago, she left.

 

WHY?

WHY WHY?

It’s been 108 months yet my closet of reasoning stays empty

but I have a room full of questions.

The four walls scream/ the ceiling a volatile emotional mess/ the floor

strewn with all pieces of puzzles and

no two pieces fit anymore.

 

That’s it.

I am done with it.

I am going to lock the door today and heat the key

in the furnace till it melts, evaporates and ceases to exist

for the naked eyes.

I trip/ I fall/ I stutter when new faces appear/I break things/

I am awkward,

But dropping the glass is sweeter than

stepping on the shards of someone else’s fault.

I don’t need faux magicians anymore.

 

This poem, is NOT for her.

because I don’t write poetry for airplanes that never take off

and this one was engineered wrong.

This is for YOU. Remember,

Somethings are better left lost.

-amrutha

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